15 then, and 15 now...

For the last 8 weeks I have been attending a ''parent course for difficult teenagers.'' It will be the last one this Wednesday and I feel quite sad that it is coming to an end.When I initially signed up for it, I was having communication problems with Nicola. It's not that she's particularly difficult, but more a case of me being ''out of touch'' with teenagers and how they think! She is highly spirited and was pushing the boundaries...I was pulling them in and conflict resulted.

Even though I work with children on a daily basis and have worked with teenagers in a social setting, it's a whole new ball game when the teenager is your own!

I didn't see how being in a room for 2 hours a week, filled with ''on the edge'' parents could be of any benefit, but it has been, very much so.The therapist and psychologist running the course have ''opened our eyes'' so to speak. Helped us to understand what it's like to be a teenager in 2007. We have had to go back to our own teen years, try to re-identify with the thoughts and feelings we had back then.

To try and enter their world is scary and fascinating at the same time. How quick some of us are to forget the turmoil that occurred when we were at that stage of our life journey.

There are many differences between myself at 15 and Nicola now, at 15, but there are also many similarities too. A love of music, sport, study and a whole heap of spirit.
I think there are physical similarities too...on the two pictures, we are the same blood, wear the same uniform in the same school, have hopes and dreams...

The course isn't intended to offer a ''quick-fix'' for the problems that arise but it has enabled us to look at ourselves before we begin to look at them.

I am a lot more ''informed'' than I was before I ever went on the course and hope I can apply some of what I've picked up along the way to improve my relationship with Nicola.

Of course, she thinks it's pretty ''sad'' that I've been on it. But then she would, after all...

she's a teenager...ha.

My Visual DNA

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I borrowed this idea from Imran...thanks friend!

After selecting several pictures from a variety of choices, here is the written analysis of my personality, well some of it anyway.

PERSONALITY/MOODS...EASY-RIDER

You're a bit of a romantic and like to get back to basics. A real dreamer, you like the chance of new beginnings-starting over. When it comes to art you're definitely unconventional. You like to think differently, always from another perspective. You have a good sense of humour. As for music, it's the soundtrack to you world. It gives you focus and concentration-you might find it hard to switch off. Your choice of treat shows you love being a little bit naughty!

PERSONALITY/FUN-CONQUEROR

You love physical activity- You've got a real spirit for adventure. Keeping a clear head and healthy body makes you ready for whatever life throws at you. For kicks you like to experience life at full-volume with the lights on full. You're extremely passionate and emotional and a bit of an exhibitionist. You express yourself and don't mind who's watching. When it comes to holidays you'll take experience over comfort every time, whether under canvas or under the stars.

PERSONALITY/HABITS-BACK TO BASICS

Your choice of drink reflects your love of stability and comfort of routine. As for the home, you have a very cool and contemporary taste. You have a simple approach to style but you like things to have their place.

PERSONALITY/LOVE-LOVE BUG

You're a real romantic and a bit of a dreamer. O.K. life may not be a movie, but what's wrong with thinking it is? When you think of freedom, nature takes over. Getting back out into the wilderness is a big draw.

Hmmm, I am wondering what those who know me well, will make of all this. All comments greatly appreciated...at least I think so...ha.

Ten miles and a cup of tea!

I remember the days when Berenice and me would get together on her day off in the week and have coffee and counsel! These days it's a cup of tea and tendon strain!

We both went through some pretty rough years back then, but these days we have exchanged the dimly lit afternoons talking through our worries for the great outdoors,to walk away our worries instead.Luckily we both love walking, the sea, the view...and one of our favourite walks is around the Great Orme.We both appreciate how fortunate we are to live in such a picturesque place and take full advantage whenever we can.

My little dog Fizz always accompanies us and is more attracted by the smell of sheep and goats rather than the landscapes...ha.You can see her peering over the wall in one of the pics, in search of the goats!!! Needless to say, she remains on the lead.

Neither of us is getting any younger and we usually have our fair share of aches and pains after our adventures!!! With B's feet and my knees...well, I won't go into that right now.

Nothing beats that cup of tea when we eventually arrive back at B's place!!! Heaven. A good cup of decently brewed tea...and tendon strain, from all them hills, and there are some too...big ones.

Here is a poem Berenice wrote about those days in the past.


Coffee & Counsel ( for M.E.J.)


It's funny, we rarely talk about
the weather. Instead we sit behind
our cups and trace the stains
of other counsels across my table cloth.

We talk with words and gestures,
chase the schemes we share.
Then the climate shifts. Our nightmares
begin to cross paths and collide,
bounce ceiling to wall to floor.

Words streak away, we don't know
why, or where. This counsel pulls us
through tunnels and caves, tempered
with her cigarettes, my kettle
and our dreams.

The clock’s timebomb ticks,
as our egos click with the sound.
Eyes meet, ponder, as we wander by,
unaware each is catching the other's hell.

All the while, the Swiss Cheeseplant
drips at us, drips across the tablecloth,
tries to recall it's jungle roots. A car
horn shatters our coffeed chit chat.

Deep secrets return to their rightful
place. We go back to the business
of the world. We gather up the cups,
mop away the stains
and hug
and part
and pray
this one is not the last.

© Berenice Dunford

This poem was originally written in December 2002, inspired by the hours Ellen and I have spent over countless cups of coffee, putting the world (ours and the rest of...) to rights. Time to pause and share is rare. Such friendship is rare. Jewels in the dark. May such jewels continue to grow and glow. My friends around the world...there are cups reserved for you at the coffee & counsel table...name your brew!!