At this moment in time.

Someone commented on a blog I posted recently that I should continue to write about my life "passionately" so I will.I suppose what I am about to write is a little personal but I haven't got much to lose, as the one thing I thought was worth keeping has just been snatched away from me.I would feel like a total fraud if I just carried on posting about my life on here without being honest...so...

When I got back from my holiday last Saturday, I had an online talk with Richie which I handled badly I think. We both went off-line and I haven't heard from him since!I was really looking forward to talking but it all went horribly wrong.

I have come to the conclusion that it's over and I am trying to accept that fact which is very hard because I'm not really sure what I have done wrong.He wasn't at all "himself" when we spoke, in fact I think he had been drinking and at first I thought I was talking to a complete stranger!I have been worried about things all week but I am taking his silence and lack of response to mean that he wants nothing more to do with me.He has even gone as far as to block me from messenger! Ooops.
I do know he is alive and well, from a reliable source who must remain nameless.Up until yesterday, when I found that out, I was really worried that he might be ill, or in hospital or something.

I'm sure he has his reasons, I just wish he would have told me and explained them.I could accept being "dismissed" a lot easier if I knew what I'd done wrong.Because I have had no answers to my questions, I have decided that it must be because I went away on holiday...and he felt "abandoned" for want of a better word...or else he just felt too much "pressure" with planning to come and see me etc.I just don't know.

Having an on-line relationship comes with its own set of problems and requires a lot of trust. I just don't think he trusted me and I do understand where he's coming from to a point.After all, he's only got my word that I am who I am and I'm doing what I say I am and vice versa.

I wasn't looking for anyone when I met Richie...we just sort of "happened".I always had a nagging doubt that things were just "too good to be true" and luckily I trusted my instincts. The result being, that I haven't turned into a dithering wreck.

In fact the opposite has happened and I learnt quite a lot in the short time we were in touch.That is quite personal so I won't post that here as it wouldn't be right.

Maybe I told him a little too much about "me" and it has in some way backfired. I will never know now and need to move on...so that's what I'm going to do.I have such a busy life, I hardly have much time for reflection and if I did start to reflect on things, then the hurt would probably kick in and I am not going to encourage it.

So here's my post for another Saturday night. Jeepers, how things can change so quickly in such a short space of time.

If I ever listen to the songs he wrote for me again, the only way I would be able to handle that is if I convince myself that he wrote them for someone else...maybe he did. That would make closure a lot easier for me so that's what I'll do.

I sometimes wonder if I dreamed it all up...maybe I did in a way and that's all it really was...

PLEASE DON'T reply to this post if you don't feel comfortable as I don't want to put anyone in an awkward position.

Just letting you know how life is with me at this moment in time.....

Holiday Snaps.

Just a few pics of our holiday. I forgot to take my extra memory card for the camera so didn't get as many as I would have liked, but have all the memories, so it's O.K.

Thanks to my Mum and Tom for a lovely birthday present...the holiday. I didn't realise how "stressed out" I was until I got there. I had no anxiety attacks at all for the whole week and managed to catch up on my lost sleep and really relax.

I got up early every morning and sat on the balcony watching the sunrise and listening to my music. We went out and about in the day and ate out at a lovely restaurant every evening. We tried a lot of local dishes on the menu and it was all really tasty.

On the last evening, Mum and me went by jeep up into the mountains and went horse riding for two hours. It was great. I only got bitten twice whilst I was there, and that was when we landed and were on the way to the hotel. For the rest of the week I walked round in a haze of smelly spray!

I managed to read a romantic 756 page novel whilst I was there too...bliss. Cyprus really is the "Island of Love". Lots of couples go there to get married and I can see why now. It is beautiful.

Back to reality now though and the "rush rush" of my life. My girls missed me and vice versa but they haven't missed out as they are going to Turkey with their dad for 2 weeks in October.

Thank you to B for looking after my little ferret Flinn whilst I was away...smiles.






Here's me a few hours after arriving home, sitting on the wall outside my house...making the most of the peace before the girls and Fizz arrived.


In the pool beside Mum's hubby Tom. I swam quite a lot whilst I was there, to cool down!


Tom and me in a sea-front cafe having a local coffee. It was really strong but I got a real taste for it.


Here's my mum on the balcony, relaxing.


Tom and me at our hotel.


Mum and Tom having their coffee.


An unusual looking tree I saw in someone's garden when I went for a big hike into the foothills. My memory card on the camera was full so I never got to take many pictures on this walk.


The pool-side flowers. Spring has certainly arrived in Cyprus!


The very blue Med.


There were plenty of lemon and orange trees around and grapevines growing everywhere.


Some lovely flowers growing on the fence of the tennis court. I didn't play any tennis though!!! Too warm.



A collection of palms growing beside the pool.

Cyprus

A village
white cubes
carved into a brittle hill
wakes...

Orange sun
ambles slowly
up the hillside
glowing...

Morning haze
a lace cloth shaken
and spread upon it
fades...

Shuttered windows
of duck-egg blue
inch open lazily
daybreak...

Local ladies
embalmed in black
beat dusty rugs
vigorously...

Elderly men
tucked in small tavernas
drink syrup coffee
debating...

Aphrodite
goddess of love
stretches her beautiful limbs
sighing.........

Written whilst sitting on the balcony very early one morning.

Lenten Cross...

Happy Easter to you all. I set off for my holiday to Cyprus, at 07.00a.m. tomorrow morning. I will miss you all and look forward to catching up with you when I get back.

I am going to miss Richie (Otoleranz) very much but am going to write him a good old fashioned hand-written letter whilst I am away.

Berenice is looking after my little ferret Flinn. I am leaving him home alone and she is going to come in and feed him. Thank you B.

Here is a page from my website that I made last year. Just wanted to share it here.

Take care all.





The trunk of our Church's giant Christmas tree is sawn off, stripped and smoothed and used in the construction of our Lenten Cross. Throughout Lent, symbols of Christ's death are placed on and beneath it, as the Easter story unfolds.


The sign
The crown of thorns
The purple robe
The spear
The nails
The palm
The cockerel
The dice
The coins

On Good Friday, the Cross is laden.

The harsh reality of the Crucifixion revealed in an undeniable visual tableau.....

The Church is silent, bare and drained of colour.




On Easter Sunday morning, the Cross is covered with an outer covering of fine mesh, barely visible. The doors are thrown open and every member of the congregation arrives with a single bloom. The church is awash with colour. The air is filled with the scent of flowers, poppies, daffodils, orchids, tulips.....

The pews are adorned with a giant bouquet. Each bloom as individual as the person placing it. At the designated moment, as the hymns of celebration resound, each and every person approaches the cross and places their flower upon it. Some walk to the cross, little ones are carried, the blind are guided, the infirm are assisted....

until each and every one of us have placed our flower.

No words are needed. The image before us says it all.

Christ is risen.

Little Girl's House.

I got this idea from Berenice (Grasshopper Singing Blog). She sent it me last night whilst we were talking on messenger...very late I must confess!

The idea is that you draw a house, freehand, and answer some simple questions. It is another type of personality test and one which intrigues me, mainly because I can't draw!

In fact I have hardly improved at all...looking at the result. Ha.

It asks you to name your house and I have called mine "Little Girl's House" because this is exactly how I used to draw at about aged 4 and upwards! and it looks like I have made no progress in the drawing department since then.

Maybe this is due to the fact that I associate drawing houses with childhood.

Feel free to smile because I am.


Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.


I think I will ask my girls to have a go at this and can then post their pictures too.

If you would like to draw a house too...here is the link.

Draw a House

Options...

Comments from the Religious Education teacher.
Comments from the Geography teacher (he taught me!!!)
This is her year 9 report front page.


Well, I find it hard to believe that the time has come for my eldest daughter Nicola, to take her examination options.

What a big decision this is for one so young! To choose the subjects that will help her to shape her future.

Last night's parents' evening lasted for 3 whole hours! but was time well spent and she eventually made her choices. Nicola was so organised as she strolled from teacher to teacher, weighing up the work-load of each course, asking relevant questions and jotting down the pros and cons on her little scrap of paper. I had to smile to myself. What a contrast to myself at that age and in the same situation.

She is still unsure of her specific career choice but has mentioned several times that she would like to teach physical education, sports science or similar.She is in the top set for all of her academic subjects but sport is her passion and she wants to pursue it into adulthood. Here are the subjects she will be studying for at GCSE.

Maths
English Lang
Welsh Lang
Science...core subjects.

Nicola's chosen subjects...

Physical Education
Religious Education
English Literature
Art
Music


She has always been a bright little button but I thought that as she became a teenager, the distractions might hinder her education. Obviously not...so far, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Whilst sitting waiting to see the French teacher, I overheard one mum say quite loudly to her daughter "and don't even think about a boyfriend, you haven't got time for one"!...Hmmmmm.

So, thanks Nic for another "proud mum moment" and for working so hard and sticking with it.